Dear to whom it may concern,

I would address this to you as dear dad, but after all this time, and all this
hurt, I’ve decided that like mom said, you weren’t a father to me, i wasted a lot
of time thinking that you were. some things are still so painful and i know they
always will be. Im a different person than what i would be if all of this hadn’t of
happened. I couldve been one of those kids that had everything easy, you and mom
wouldve stayed together, you never wouldve bailed when she got pregnant, or decided drugs and prison were worth more than your babygirl, but things just didn’t seem to work out like that for me, Id change so much if i could, I wouldn’t ever change the fact that you were my father. I respect you for being clean now, and out of jail for several years, but you’ve made absolutely no effort to make up any lost time with me. You werent there when i first smiled, when i took my first steps, said my first word, when i learned to ride a bike, when i learned how to fish, that wasn’t you walking me through any of that, and thats painful, but i give it to you, that you were gone for so long how did i expect you to be there, and yes, that surely hurts, but what hurts more is after i found you almost 10 years later, and offered you so many opportunities to be in my life, you still passed them all up. two years ago i ran for sullivan county fair queen right after i had found you, i asked you to be there, you said you would, that was one of the many promises you broke to me, from that moment on you’ve broke every one you made since, while i was standing on stage, i searched the crowd, hoping if you couldn’t be there your mom would be, but didn’t see either face i hoped to see looking back at me, the moment i lost was hands down the most humiliating moment of my life, id never felt like such a loser, or so downgraded, as everyone came up to me afterwards and told me how it took a lot of courage to do what i did, not anything they said made me feel any better, i stood up there in a gown, in front of a hugeaudience all people i knew, and was the only person out of three, that walked away being a complete loser, i just wanted you, i figured you would make it all better but i knew you weren’t there, and i was heartbroken. All you ever seem good at doing is breaking my heart. In the past month, I’ve been bullied, tormented, and laughed atso much more than i ever couldve imagined, and i became stronger i dont doubt that at all but ive had so many relationship problems, and i finally understand why. when i meet
a guy i look for love in them, no matter who it is, i look for love in them, because
i never got it from you, and i long to know what that feels like to be honestly loved
by someone, ever guy ive ever let in, has let me down, and hurt me in some way,
it all leads back to you, betraying me, walking away without one glace backwards.
I agree, your past is painful and some things you could leave behind, and never look
back on, but your daughter that was not one. When i found you awhile back, the first thing i noticed was the tattoo you have over your heart, my name in cursive, in one of our first conversations i remember you said, i have your name tattooed on my heart for a reason, i believed that back then, every word you ever said, i believed that you loved me i know the truth now, i also know that that tattoo was just for looks, i bet you get a lot of praise from people when they ask about it, but you have no respct from me concerning it. because you have my name tattooed on you, in no way means that you were a father, or are at all. after i found you i really thought things were going to change, i thought you would come back and spend some time with me, i was crazy back then i used to think i would spend one weekend with mom and one weekend with youwhat was i thinking? that you cared, must be, you let the truth shine right through you though, in the past month, ive talked to you while you were sober, maybe once im not even sure about that though, they say people that go to prison and are releasedare 97 % more likely to be right back in or going down the wrong path, i thought different with you off the drugs out of trouble, but you turned to alcohol and i am in no way proud to say that you are surely an alcoholic.your lifestyles will always be yours and i in no way will judge you, all i wanted was father you werent there when i truly needed you, but if you cared anywhere close to how much you say you do youd be around now, helping me cope with all the challenges that come my way. Tonight was honestly one of the worst nights of my life i went someplace i know you were a million times, but i dont think i handled it ths same way you would i didnt want to break down i really didnt but i have so much anger built up inside me that ive just been
breaking down, its anger from everything, mostly from whats going on with you,
if you wouldve been there tonight i know you wouldve like assaulted an officer i know youd never let anyone talk down to me, that only makes me miss you like 10 times more, I wont lie i was pretty scared and the fact that i now have a record would probably make you smirk. no matter what kind of hell we’ve been through, it’s only mademe stronger and in the long run, ill be able to thank you, i cant now, and i wouldnt wish a relationship like this on any other father and daughter, but its made me who i am and to some people thats not shit no matter what happens, just know im sorry, im sorry if i was a burden, or your biggest mistake, whatever it is that you consider me, and im so so sorry if you lose the rest of your life. I’ve been adding onto this letter for a long time, but today being fathers day I decided i was going to finish it today i send you a text that said, “todays always been a day that’s really hard for me, and honestly quite sad because i know with the way things played out in my life you missed out on almost everything and you still are and on this day it really reminds me of the fact that you’re not around and that really and truly hurts me deeply but without you i wouldn’t be here and without the struggles ive been faced with concerning you i wouldnt be the person i am today to thank you we may be miles apart but youll always be my dad. happy fathers day” & you replied wish things would have been different. oh really? you do? because you have everyday of my life now to make things an opportunity every single day to ask me how i am and i hear from you every five fucking months dont act for a second like you would have changed things, just because you were a low life back then doesnt mean you have to be one now I’m growing up and learned my lessons in life, making my mistakes and growing from them next year when i walk across the stage for graduation im sure your face won’t be one looking back at me you’ll say you’ll be there, but I know what to expect you can’t hold true to anything you promise me, your new life means more to you than I ever did, or ever will. I pray that you’ll always be happy and never take the road you were on before again, but I also pray that I can just let go of the longing for you to play the father role in my life, because I know in my heart that that day will NEVER come.

haha my life ^

haha my life ^

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Miranda Lambert - Over You (by mirandalambertVEVO)

Eric Church - Drink In My Hand (by EricChurchVEVO)

Brantley Gilbert - You Don’t Know Her Like I Do Lyrics [Brantley Gilbert’s New 2012 Single] (by countrylyrics13)

Better Than I Used to Be- Tim McGraw (by draja019)

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